A Letter to My Younger Self

Inspired by an assignment from my senior year of high school in my Women & Gender Studies class with Ms. Picardo called “What I Wish I Knew…”

Dear Younger Me,

Growing up is a tumultuous journey. It's fun and exciting, but also scary, even terrifying at times. It may seem as if grown ups have it all together, but in reality, no one knows what they're doing. It's quite a reassuring fact actually.

Life is a never ending process of growing, healing, learning, and sometimes relearning, so take these lessons with you on your way to discovering who you are:

Don't be in such a rush to grow up. Enjoy your youth. As you get older, your knowledge expands but your imagination and curiosity diminish. A lot of uncertainty and insecurities rise to the surface. Responsibilities pile up until your plate is overflowing. The saying "ignorance is bliss" is true because there's something so pure in not knowing how cruel the world can be.

When it comes to your ethnicity, you feel stuck between two cultures: the American one in your heart and the Asian one that others identify you by. You do not have to define your racial identity to simply be and exist in the world. You do not have to explain yourself to anyone. All families are created differently, yet adoption seems to be one concept that many people cannot wrap their minds around because it is not their experience, so make it your responsibility to educate the ignorant on how families do not have to look alike to be legitimate or beautiful.

Moreover, you feel guilty as a young woman of color who was raised in such a privileged town. You cannot relate to other Asian Americans whose families immigrated here because you reap the benefits of having white middle class parents. There is conflict in your heart, but it is okay that you don't have it all figured out now.

You are worthy of all opportunities the world gives you. You are a hard worker who is driven and passionate. There is no doubt that you are deserving of good things. At the same time, you do not have to say "yes" to everything that is asked of you. You are so wildly capable of so many things, but you are only one person and a human being with feelings. Unfortunately compliance has been ingrained in you since childhood and also merely because you are a girl. Take this chance to relearn how to properly prioritize and establish strong boundaries.

Give yourself credit where credit is due. You continually try to do your best and it is enough. You are unquestionably enough. Mistakes come with lessons, so give yourself a break because you didn't know any better. You have to get hurt in order to learn, so be gentle with yourself.

Every person who enters your life will teach you a lesson from family and friends to coworkers, acquaintances, and lovers. Relationships ebb and flow. If something is meant to be, it will happen no matter how much you try to manipulate time and space.

Don't lose yourself in caring for others. Even when you stray from who you are, remember that you will always find your way back to the core of your being. Please strive to maintain your self awareness, self respect, and confidence.

You are prettier than you think. You are more than how society makes you feel, but your feelings are justified as it is difficult to believe something when you're surrounded by a culture that tells you the exact opposite. The peers you grew up around are by no means representative of the real world. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and you will find that when you meet people outside of your tiny bubble that you fit into people's image of beauty. Revel in that idea.

Know that you are more than your body. You have a mind, heart, and soul that just crave pure human connection. You do not need to use your body to receive validation. You do not have to starve yourself in order to feel like you fit in. Hunger, dizziness, and fatigue are not normal feelings. Your belly rumbles for a reason. Realize that your body is on your side, trying to watch out for you. It is not your enemy. Also, stretch marks are very real, but also very natural. Your skin is expanding to support more of you throughout your journey. Your body is a piece of art... treat it accordingly.

You don't fit into this box that society reinforces and perpetuates, but your sense of self worth and confidence are yours to reclaim.

You are not alone in your story. Growing up is tough, but so are you.

Sincerely yours,

Becca, 19