Mom's Eulogy

E. E. Cummings wrote:

“i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go…)”

Mom’s main goal in life was to ensure that Joanie and I were ok. I feel like she worried a lot about me, especially though, as the more mischievous and rebellious, but also the more sensitive daughter who wears her heart on her sleeve. When I would stay out late, mom waited for my text and then waited to hear the door open and close to see through that I was home, I was safe, and that I was ok.

I am my mother’s daughter. I am “Strong Girl,” so there is no way in which I will not be okay.

My mom was definitely a mom - a really great one: selfless, patient, nurturing, strong, beautiful, intelligent, brave, funny, and wonderful. The list goes on and on. One of her favorite sayings was “I am mom, the great and powerful. I know all and I see all.” At which, I would roll my eyes, but it was so true. She knows me best. Sometimes more than I know myself.

We are both stubborn as anything, but when it came down to it, my mom and I deeply understood each other on a different, unspoken, level. There are no words to describe our connection. It was a bond that only we shared.

My mom embodied the fact that biology does not equate to love. She always told Joanie and I that we are the most wanted children in the world, that she loved us before we were even born, and that no one could love us better. I feel my mother’s love ferociously and I will hold onto it forever.

I was mom’s “Velcro Baby” and I feel lost without my other half to cling to. My whole body aches and cries for her, but I know she is no longer in pain and finally at peace in paradise, which is probably Disney World or at a beach where she gets to feel the ocean again.

My mom lived in constant pain, but hid it well. Joanie and I would ask her if she was ok, to which she would answer, “I’m ok. I’m always ok” because she had to make sure that everyone else was ok first. She loved this big, crazy family of ours. Family was everything to her.

My mom loved to crochet. All of us here today are stitches in her patchwork quilt. Our lives have been intertwined with my mom’s in one way or another. Some stitches are tighter than others, some you have to take out and re-do, and sometimes stitches get lost along the way. In the end, it was never perfect, but it was hers.

My mom was incredibly supportive and loyal, almost to a fault - my family can attest to that. As the hardworking and driven opportunist that I am, it is tough to keep up with everything I have my hands on, but I know that my mom is forever in my corner, cheering me on. I know that she is undoubtedly proud of me, even if she didn’t say it. Mom has always had this unwavering faith in my capabilities, even when I doubt myself. I am my mother’s daughter so I will never give up, especially when I really want something.

There are countless things that I will miss about my mom, but especially her soothing voice, her contagious laugh, and her gentle touch. Yet, though she be small, she be mighty. My mom was a force to be reckoned with and she instilled that same fierceness in me.

My mom explained to us that if we see two deer, it is my Grandma Joan and my Uncle Rich visiting us from Heaven. I have always taken seeing deer as a sign that everything is going to be ok, even when it doesn’t seem like it will be. I’ve seen a lot of deer in some of the most challenging times of my life, and now is no different. We saw one, single deer on the way home from the hospital that night. It was mom telling us that she’s home, she’s safe, and that she’s ok. We have seen many singular deer since. So, I hope that whenever you see a single deer, that you think of my mom too.

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You can read my mother's obituary here.

My relatives began a GoFundMe to help my family financially during this time. If you are able and would like to donate, you can do so here. Every little bit counts and is very appreciated. Thank you in advance.