I always thought the saying “right person, wrong time” was cliché. It has taken just over 21 years for me to live through it and finally understand the phenomena.
With the “new year, new me” mentality, I subjected myself again to the torturous cycle of dating apps. In January, I matched with a guy who gave me a rose, which is even better than giving a like.
According to Hinge, roses are “a new way to let someone know that you really, really like their profile. When you see someone in your Discover or Standouts queue and want to be sure to get their attention, you can send a Rose. Roses will show up at the top of someone's Likes You screen so you'll be impossible to miss!”
My first impression of his profile: this guy does not smile in any of his pictures. This was followed by seeing Greek letters. Oh no, a frat boy. I matched with him, but didn’t say anything because I was not expecting much. To say the least, I was pleasantly surprised.
Exactly a week later, I went on the best first date I’ve ever had. He was patient about switching up the plans multiple times. We ended up playing mini golf and then talking for hours. He held doors open for me and gave me his jacket in the cold, braving the snow in a t-shirt. We bonded over the craziness of Greek life, our family dogs, common career interests, and our favorite color being orange. It turns out that he has a kind smile and a nice laugh. It was apparent that he is a gentle soul who cares very deeply for his family and just wants to help others. I initially dreaded going out because first dates are awkward, but I didn’t want to leave this one at the end of the night.
He felt comfortable and familiar. Spending time with him and talking to him was easy. I was eager to learn more about him. I saw it as the beginning of an amazing friendship with the potential to grow into something more.
In the little time that we knew each other, he was kind, supportive, communicative, open, and honest. He never left me wondering. He made me laugh and smile with even just a text message. All of my friends could see that I had it bad.
From the get go, I knew there was something different about him. He’s the kind of guy that I’ve been waiting to meet for a long time. He showed me that good guys do exist.
Unfortunately, sometimes life has other plans.
We are both so young in such a big world and our lives are full of opportunities.
It is hard to reconcile when you want something that is so good so badly, but it’s just out of reach. I don’t know what hurts more: the reality of the situation or the loss of the potential of our relationship. It’s not as if we were committed to each other, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less.
The flowers I bought myself for Valentine's Day.
So here I am, like always, picking myself back up and carrying myself through while trying to calm the waterfall of tears on Valentine’s Day.
Maybe we’re not meant to be or it’s just not our time.
Maybe in a year we’ll find each other again and we can finally grab that drink to celebrate my birthday and all of our accomplishments from along the way.
This is just another instance of life reminding me that I am not in control. This is a concept I am progressively coming to terms with even when life’s unpredictability makes me want to grip on the reins a little tighter.
I am slowly learning to be okay with the unknown. Although oblivion is vast and terrifying, it can also be exciting and thrilling. I look forward to what the future has in store for me.
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