Oh, what a difference a year makes.
Exactly one year ago today, I moved in with my cousin and her boyfriend (now fiancé) in their Massachusetts home, and what an extraordinary year it has been! Those who know me know that I am my own worst critic, so I'm taking this opportunity to properly reflect on my growth and accomplishments.
Independence & Confidence
There has been so much to figure out: living with strangers, money management, forming and maintaining relationships, and becoming completely self-sufficient.
I am more confident than ever in my ability to problem-solve, but more so, to trust my gut. Sometimes there are no right or wrong decisions, like buying a car or moving apartments three times in a year. With that, I do not have to stay somewhere I'm not welcomed or accepted.
As difficult as it is, I'm figuring out how to not rely on external validation of my existence and importance and to fulfill my own needs. It's definitely harder than it sounds. I don't need others to celebrate me as long as I am proud of myself and take time to acknowledge my achievements whether big or small.
Work
I couldn't have wished for a better first job out of college! No day is the same. Event days are my favorite with the thrill of witnessing all of the logistical pieces come together to create something special. I've had opportunities to work at iconic venues, like MGM Music Hall at Fenway, TD Garden, Matthews Arena, and Fenway Park. This first year took me to Virginia, Washington, New York City, and Texas and I will be going to California, Maine, and Virginia again in the fall. Fortunately, I've also been able to share some of my experiences with my family.
Friendships
This year has been considerably the most rewarding yet the most lonely.
Although uncomfortable, I am still in the process of learning to enjoy my own company. I've had to forge community from scratch, while at the same time, let go of relationships that no longer serve me. It is no easy feat. Nobody teaches you how to make friends as an adult, which honestly feels a whole lot like dating. My solitude pushed me to seek opportunities to meet new people and my efforts have yielded some of the greatest friends. I am grateful to my new friends who fill up all of my different cups and my old friends who have stuck by my side 250 miles away.
Grief
Moving away expanded my understanding of grief.
There was a deep sadness that accompanied the closing of the longest chapter of my life yet and accepting the fact that I don't think I can ever move back to New Jersey. I gave up my sense of comfortability in exchange for opportunity and have been in the constant pursuit of people, places, and things that feel like home wherever I go. I continue to simultaneously feel sorrow and excitement that nothing will ever be the same again.
My move also exacerbated the grieving of my mom, who I wish was here to see me through it all.
Travel
Now that I've started, I can't stop.
This year I spent the majority of my international time in the UK/EU (Wales, England, and Ireland) where I met so many cool people along the way. I did 20 hours in Toronto, a long weekend in Montreal, explored three new states: Washington, Texas, and North Carolina and revisited New Jersey, New York, and Virginia. Sometimes I enjoy the routine and calmness of being stationary, but a part of me is always eagerly anticipating where to next (especially if it's for a Noah Kahan concert).
If you were to tell me 14 months ago that this would be my life, I don't know if I would've believed it. As a friend told me: "We are living the dream some people do not have at our age." Despite the trials and tribulations, I feel extremely lucky for every opportunity, adventure, and person I've met so far. These are memories that will last a lifetime and I look forward to seeing what this next year has in store.
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